Reflections2017

Some call it a stream of consciousness .   I think that I overthink.   Sitting by the window staring out at nothing really on this predawn day, the monster I have been calling Doubt is back! This time it seems worse than ever. My scheduled head and neck scan are merely days away. Maybe that is why the monster has returned. This, the second scan, like the first that started my journey along the road with melanoma will reveal whether or not all of the cancer cells have indeed been all destroyed. Or perhaps they have not.   They have. I mean why have the cancer cells not been entirely eradicated from my body? Cancer has been treated for over a hundred years. The medical knowledge base along with the technology on this disease has grown exponentially. There is no question.   And yet…   And yet the sun shines on both sides of my face does it not? Of course, it does. Why should the right side of my head contract this disease and not the left? I have no answer....

       Some of the ideas and words were provided by LH in text messages; a breast cancer survivor and my “cancer buddy.” Without her, my fight with head and neck cancer would be so much more difficult.        I am well into the 7th month of living with head and neck cancer. Currently, I am awaiting a CSAN, followed by a consultation with my surgeon. With everything that has happened with my health during the seven months, two things are apparent. First, there is the need to have a “cancer buddy.” Second, you must decide that with cancer, you are in for the long-haul. Both are critical in fighting and destroying this disease.         Cancer is such a despicable disease. It is sneaky. It invades unsuspectedly and works at destroying DNA quietly, usually with no fanfare. It is difficult to detect until it shows itself because you are not looking for it. In my case it was a lump on my right ear th...

🎶 🎶  🎵 “The cat came back, we thought he was a goner But the cat came back; it just couldn't stay away. Away, away, yea, yea, yea”  🎵 🎶 🎶   "The Cat Came Back" is a comic song written by Harry S. Miller in 1893. It has since entered the folk tradition. In more recent years it was popularized by Dr. Seuss in 1958. Ole Mister Johnson tried to get rid of the old yaller cat. “But the cat came back.” In my case the “old yaller cat” is an allegory for my taste buds that left shortly after the Radiation Treatment began. ‘Sun Wukong, we are out of here!’  They left four months ago. That is a long time eating tasteless breakfast, lunch and dinners. During that time I also contended with ‘dry mouth,’ a medical condition caused by the lack of saliva. One of my glands was removed as part of the cancer operation. Even using a moisturizer, food continually stuck to my teeth and gums. Yuk. You can well imagine...

Reflection 38 -- The Metamorphosis  For most people, year-end is a time of reflection -- looking both forward and backwards. As one-year dissolves into the next with regularity and no apparent change, 2017 turns into 2018. But for this cancer survivor there is a little more. It can best be described as a metamorphosis. I have become or more appropriately, am becoming someone, I wasn't. I am changing.  I selected the word "metamorphosis" with a great deal of thinking. For it describes something very unique in nature. Most beings start and end life in essentially the same state. They are unchanged. For example, a young dappled white pony ends up as an old white mare. Its "mortal coil," to quote Shakespeare's Hamlet, remains the same. It is very few that experience such a large change in their physiology, anatomy and psyche to merit the label a metamorphosis change. That small percentage that do may be considered very special indeed. I contend that cancer sur...