Reflection 35: Eyeglasses, no eyeglasses, eyeglasses

 ​A seemingly innocent act sent my confidence into a tailspin. It all has to do with eyeglasses. Or more properly stated, their absence. 

 ​I have worn eyeglasses for virtually my entire life. I think my mom stuck a pair on me when I was still aching to attend kindergarten! It has been that long ago.

How did she know to do that? I couldn’t even recognize pictures, never mind the 26 letters of the English alphabet on an eye chart! Putting eyeglasses on very small children has remained a mystery to me for my entire life. It is right up there alongside the mysteries of the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Nasca Lines in the Nasca Desert (southern Peru) that can only be appreciated as an aerial panorama, or Stone-hedge.

 At any rate, there I was, learning to walk and chew gum at the same time…and adjust to this thing sitting on my nose! I learned never to be without them.

 ​Then the 2 June arrived.

 ​Immediately following my head and neck cancer operation I did not have much need for my glasses since most of that time was with my eyes closed, recovering from the drugs they administered. In my waking hours I discovered that I didn’t much need my glasses…except for reading…or so I thought. People and objects at a distance further away than my arms, I could see quite well ‘thank-you-very-much.’ So I bought a pair of magnification glasses from the drugstore and used them to read. I even purchased a coloured cord to put around my neck and hung the glasses on my chest. So cool. I was a happy camper!

 ​I went day-in-and-day-out without my glasses. I was smiling more than usual. I was simply tap dancing. I suspect that people that do not wear eyeglasses do not know the joy of not wearing them, especially in the autumn when rain and wet snow obscures your vision. Or in wintertime when glasses forever ‘fog up’ when coming into a warm place from a cold place. What a nuisance they are. At Radiation Therapy I met and became instantly compatible with and whom became a close champion of my cause (and I hers, a breast cancer survivor) and her dear husband. For months, they didn’t realize that I am a wearer of glasses. The question never came up.

 ​Around about the middle of November, I began to experience dizzy spells. It was not vertigo, for the room never moved as it does with vertigo. I was simply dizzy. A spell was not severe enough to make me sick, but it made me disorientated and had to steady myself by holding onto something stable such as furniture until it passed. It was quite disconcerting. This happened particularly in the mornings after I woke and struggled to get out of bed.

 ​My “new reality” as my new cancer friend calls it, became topsy-turvy.

​ I really don’t know what made me think of putting my glasses on again. But I did. Since then the dizziness has not completely disappeared, but it has been reduced significantly. Hmm. Subsequently, I have made an appointment with my General Practitioner and hopefully she will arrange for me to see an ophthalmologist. I use to go to an ophthalmologist annually, but I abandoned that habit about 5 years ago. Another error in judgement, I must admit.

​Reflecting on this whole experience, I have learned not to be so cavalier about my health. During this time, all sorts of thoughts were whizzing around in my mind. Most are not healthy. I will not elevate the monsters importance by writing about them. It is suffice to say that there were many out-and-about, especially during the quite hours of the night. Dwelling on monsters is not a good thing for a cancer survivor, or for anyone else for that matter.

 ​I have concluded that there are no seemingly innocent acts when it comes to cancer and my health. I have also come to believe that everything must be rationalized (sliced, diced, categorized, put into the proper scheme of things, placed under a microscope and held up to and examined under a bright light) and how the intended action affects my health. A lesson well learned.